Run Britain Day 20: From pain to relief

I am 10% of the way through what should be 200 days of running marathons around the coastline of Britain. And today, I am not running. I’m not even walking. I have made the decision to take a day off. 

When I set out to run Britain, I knew that injury was incredibly likely. I did absolutely everything I could to prepare my body for a mega physical challenge, but the inevitable has now come to pass, and today has become my first rest day. 

Pausing Run Britain is not an easy decision. I feel sad and fragile. 

Although my mental health is currently as good as I think it has ever been, I know what can happen when I feel fragile. And especially when I feel like I have failed. I am very wary that I have made today’s decision under the assumption that it is going to get me better, so that I can be back to running (or walking at the very least) tomorrow. 

But what if it doesn’t? What if my rest day turns into a rest week? I’m scared that unless I do start seeing some improvement, my brain could take me down the dark and lonely path that leads to despair. A despair that makes running daily marathons impossible, because getting out of bed is impossible and even speaking to close family and friends is impossible. 

The good news is that while I can acknowledge that those fears are there, I am keeping them at bay. And the better news is that as I settle down to watch The Traitors final this evening, I feel like my day of rest may have done a fair bit of good.

This morning I went to a spa for some super muscle rehabilitation. And then I spent most of the afternoon eating. I am currently struggling to force my second dinner down, to try and build up some strength and replace the calories lost over the last few weeks. 

I’ve also had a very useful call with a physio who has given me some good strengthening exercises for my weak tibialis anterior.

Small steps, one at a time to get back on track. 

And also, if I stop to think about it properly, I know that admitting that there is a problem, pausing and redirecting, is not failing. 

I have spent far too much of my adult life so far smashing my way down a path that was wrong. One that made me sad, difficult and unpleasant in a way I didn’t realise. I have learnt that it is so much better to pause and regroup, rather than keep battling on. 

Run Britain already has so many interesting angles. When I set out, I thought that I would be frolicking around the coast, raising the profile of the British businesses I was passing. 

I haven’t done that yet (but I am very much looking forward to getting that part of the mission going). Instead, I have learnt so much more about myself and humanity in these last three weeks than I have ever learnt before. 

There are so many incredibly good people in the world. People who go about their day to day quietly and without fuss. But then when a nutter like me comes blazing through with grand plans to run the entire coast of Britain, they open their doors and their homes. 

It’s an incredibly uplifting thing to be taking with me as I try to sort out a stressed shin and blown up ankle. And it’s also uplifting to know that I am ok with being that nutter, doing something a bit questionable, out of the realms of ‘normal’, which has already caused me quite considerable physical pain. Because that’s who I am. And even though right now it hurts, it’s bringing me a massive sense of fulfilment.